Day 103 - Voicemail

     I flew down the stairs.  I was running a few minutes late but I had to do one last idiot check to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything.
     Keys.  Check.
     Snack and lunch for the day.  Check.
     Turn off the bathroom sink after the cat begged me to drink from it.  Check.
     Cat food so she doesn't destroy my house while I'm gone.  Check.
     Cell phone.  Check.
     "Oh shit."  I said remembering Marrianne's scratchy call from last week.  I checked my watch.  I still had a minute for a quick call.
     The phone went straight to voicemail.  That was strange.  I planned to leave a message apologizing for not having something for her to click on this morning.  I've been busy.  The world has been a bit unforgiving lately.  I was a bit shocked to hear the phone go directly to voicemail.  Something was up.
     "Hey pretty girl, I haven't forgotten about you."  I looked at the clock and took a deep breath.  "I just wanted to call you and let you know that I'm o.k.  There will be something up today.  I can't say when but I wanted to let you know just in case you get distracted from your distraction I did have something up and ready for you."
     I opened the door to my home office and turned the computer on.
     "I guess the voice won the next few rounds,"  I thought back to the machine's offer of the glass of wine while I pet the cat and lay on the couch, "but I've got this.  I'll talk to you soon."
     Making sure the machines don't grind my soul into the ground.  Check

Day 102 - Distractions

     The buzzing of the cell phone woke me out of a mild slumber.  When I remember, I set it on the table across the room.  It forces me to get up and walk before I answer it.  I do this in hopes that I'm not still snoozing for the first few minutes of the conversation.  I also try to put the phone down so I don't fall asleep while scrolling through twit/face/sound/space and drop it on my face.

     "Hey!  Hello! What's happening?!?"  I said obviously just waking up.  In my haste to prove I was awake I forgot to check the caller i.d.

     "Hello," said a familiar voice through a scratchy cell phone connection.  "Did I wake you up?"

     "No, I was just..." I stammered.  "Yeah... kind of.  Who is this?" I said rubbing my eyes.

     "It's Marrianne, silly.  What's going on?"

     "I'm just a bit distracted."  I said unplugging the cell from the wall charger so I could get back to the couch.

     "I know," she said with a bit of an edge.  "It's been almost two months since I've read anything new from you."

     "I've been..."

     "You know when we were younger," she continued, "you would get depressed and just disappear.  You would grow out your beard and not talk to anyone.  It's different from the hibernation because when you're in hibernation you're focused.  When you're depressed you wander like a man lost.

     "I'm just calling you to make sure you aren't lost.  You aren't lost, are you?"  I could feel her piercing blue eyes looking into my soul for some sort of answer through the scratchy connection.

     I let my eyes move from the ceiling to the floor.  I ran my hand over my beard and looked over to where my phone had been.  I saw handwritten notes and a few receipts from my second favorite bar.

     "I'm ok."  I said.  "I've been busy thinking and not doing."  I took a deep breath and put my feet back on the floor.

     "Well you need to get busy doing," she said with determination.  "You need to get back out there and get it done."

     "Are you ok?" I asked realizing that her voice had a little bit more of an edge than usual.  I knew that she was raising two kids under 10 and helping her husband build his business but this seemed urgent.

     "I am fine."  She declared.  "I just need my distraction back.  I need to know I can click in on a Monday morning and see you there.  I haven't seen you in a while so I had to make sure you're ok.  You being ok let's me know that I'm ok."

    "I'll be back soon," I reassured her.

    A small voice in the background asked for her Mommy.

    "I have to go."  She said.  "Soon isn't soon enough."  She hung up as the little voice in the background asked for Mommy again.

     I stumbled into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror.  The hot water felt good against my face.  The beard came off much quicker than I remembered in the past.

     It's amazing how the buzzing of a cell phone can wake me out of a mild slumber before it gets too deep.