What Type Of Man

     It was March 2003.  I stood in the driveway of the exclusive dealership waiting for a ride from someone in my office.  I had just been screamed at for not providing a car that was up to the client's standards.
     The conversation included comments like 'Do you know who I am?' & 'Do you know how much I made last year?'  None of that really mattered.  As I listened to this person vent I realized that all they had was their money.  I hated being yelled at but I felt bad because this person felt their money put me beneath them.
     I decided that wasn't the type of man I wanted to be even if I was successful at the job.  I tried to picture in my head what I wanted.  Yes I did want a nicer car but I wanted it for safety and reliability.
     I was driving an hour fifteen minutes each way to work everyday.  I had seen my share of accidents made worse by cars that couldn't cope with the collision.  I didn't need to have something nice.  I needed to have something safe and reliable.
     My flip phone rang with a number I didn't recognize.
     "Hello?" I answered with a half question.
     "Hi," said an extremely pleasant voice.  "It's Julie from The Yard."
     I took a deep breath.  Julie was a sweet quiet little red head who could drink most of us under the table, dance all night, and still make it to work 15 minutes before her shift was supposed to start.  This was exactly the voice I needed to hear.
     "Hey, Jules.  What's going on?"
     "I have kind of a strange question for you."
     "Shoot."
     "Are you seeing anyone right now?"
     I felt the slick smile cut across my face.
     "Why no, Jules.  I'm not what's on your mind?"  I could barely contain my enthusiasm.  It's one thing when you spend time chasing after someone and they finally say yes.  The world is a completely different place when you get a call out of the blue and someone expresses interest.
     "Oh that's awesome," she started matching my enthusiasm, "because I have a friend who I think would just love you."
     The 'I have a friend' speech is almost as ambitious as the 'I Have A Dream' speech.  I was going to say no.  I had a preconceived notion of what this girl was going to look like.  I had a thought that this was going to be a disaster.  Then I took a deep breath.
     Jules may not have been interested but she thought I was good enough to introduce to one of her friends.  My momentary lapse of enthusiasm was gone.
     It was time for a shake up.  Up until then I had a basic idea of what I wanted in life but there was no clear direction.  Why not take a chance?
     "What night works for you?" I asked remembering I was happy someone expressed interest.
     "Tomorrow at The Yard.  We'll meet you there around 8."
     "Sounds like a plan."
     I hung up the phone as my ride arrived.  I decided not to prejudge.  I decided to take a chance.  Before the phone call someone was just yelling at me because they had prejudged who I was without knowing me.  Who was I to do that to someone else?  That wasn't the type of man I wanted to be.

Fog

     I was coasting. I was coasting in life.  Going to sleep early and drinking the proper amount of water had paid off.  It wasn't just something for drinking too much on a random weeknight.  Drinking enough water and getting enough sleep had changed my general mindset.  There was minimal fog and even less pain.  It was going to be a good day.  I knew there wasn't much time left at the job so I had to make a decision.

     I decided that they had to fire me.  I wouldn't walk out.  Walking out wouldn't cut it.  I couldn't just quit.  In my mind you don't quit.  You stop doing things that don't work for you.  You refocus your energy on things that move you forward.  You do these things but you don't quit.

     I could have crumbled when they told me that after 10 years I didn't deserve to be there but, I didn't.  I could have broken when they told me that I was (and had always been in their eyes) unfit for the job but, I didn't.

     I realized that these comments were made by a person lashing out and making choices based on fear.  I was ok.  My mind was clear.  The goal was to hold on to the job for as long as I could.  Rather than throw a wrench in the system I would do my best and make it work for me as long as it could.

     Going to sleep early and drinking the proper amount of water had paid off.  There was minimal fog.  Coasting wouldn't cut it any more.  It was time to stop before I ran aground.  The fog was dissipating and the path was becoming clear.