The waiting room was smaller than I remembered. It had been years since I had been to the doctor for a basic check up so my memory may have been a bit off. There wasn't anything wrong per se but I just wanted to be sure.
As a man of a certain age it's amazing how quickly somethings can sneak up on you. You can only ignore the certain pains for so long before you realize they aren't going away any time soon.
Most of the men in my family had a limited trust of doctors due to the history of racism and misinformation in America. This limited trust led to many preventable, painful deaths.
Cancer had ripped through my family. It wasn’t a matter of if I was going to get it. It was a matter of when.
After watching the four year battle up close I decided to get the yearly check ups so I could catch it early. The thought of cancer didn’t scare me as much as how it would affect the people around me. I could be completely prepared to no longer be part of this earth. I can have the mindset that will lend to a peaceful transition. The one thing I might not be prepared for is hearing someone cry about the loss. Nothing is worse than watching someone you care for suffer because they are watching you suffer and there's nothing either of you can do about it.
But there has to be a realization that death is a natural process. It is part of the circle. The goal is to make the circle as full as possible before the air is sucked out of it.
“You’re fat,” she said without hesitation.
“I like the subtly, Doc,” I said, a little bit surprised.
“I mean you have some decent muscle tone but for your height and age I would like you to be about lose 40 pounds.”
“40?!? How about 15? I’m good at 175. I sleep well. There’s no pain. I got down to 160 a few years ago and people were asking me if I was sick. If I get down to 150 they’ll use a picture of me in telethons to feed starving children in Africa.”
“That’s because they are used to you at a this weight. My concern is your health. As an African American man you are more susceptible to diabetes, heart disease, and certain cancers. By maintaining a healthier weight and diet you minimize the chances of diabetes, heart disease, and certain cancers.”
“I am pretty when I’m between 165 and 170.” She rolled her eyes and smiled. “How about I give you 170 and we test my levels then?”
“Deal. Next question. Sexual history. How many partners have you had?”
I took a deep breath. After years of being in bands and hanging out in bars, I had to face the facts. I gave her the actual number. There was a moment of complete silence.
“I’m sorry, excuse me?!?”
“I’ve never been married. I’ve been doing this since I was 18. If you average it to about 3 to 4 partners a year it makes perfect sense.”
“Your first test is an STD test.”
This was the first time I said the number out loud without joking or trying to impress someone. It wasn’t funny or impressive.
As a man of a certain age it’s amazing how quickly somethings can sneak up on you.
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