"Really? Seriously?!?" I asked rhetorically. "I have to listen to you whine about this bullshit again?" I was trying to drive. It was a rare night out for Tony. He was in the process of getting divorced and had been flirting with a girl at least half our age. We were on our way to meet her at my favorite bartender's bar. The night was just at the beginning and my patience was already wearing thin. I was doing everything I could not to be the dead dog buried in the back yard and he wasn't helping.
"This is not bullshit," he started with distracted conviction, "this is important shit."
"No, trust me. This is your regular, everyday, shit. You whine that all she does is text. She's 22. What do you expect?" I asked shaking my head.
"This is all new to me. I don't know how this dating thing works anymore." Tony said with amazement. His phone buzzed again. He flipped it open and started typing. "Damn it! This is driving me crazy." His phone buzzed again. He just looked at me bewildered.
"I hope you have an unlimited texting plan." I said trying to figure out why he was doing this to himself.
"Holy shit! She's sending me nude pictures. Should I send her a picture of my cock?"
"Only if you want to walk." My stomach turned at the idea. "There will be no dick pics in my car."
"How do you manage this?" He asked turning his phone left to right to catch every possible angle the pictures might offer. He wasn't aware of my most recent crash and burn. He didn't know that I was hoping my phone would buzz at least once.
"Manage what? Not to send pictures of my cock to 22 year old girls? It's easy."
His phone buzzed again and he almost dropped it between his knees.
"And," I continued, "I put the lock down on that shit immediately. Have you even slept with this girl yet?"
"No." He said finally taking a deep breath. "That's kind of what I meant. I haven't slept with anyone but Karen in almost 30 years." Tony and Karen were the one couple we all expected to be married forever. Everything seemed to be fine from the outside but inside they had just grown apart. They had been together for 30 years. There were two adult children. They were both successful in their fields. They just didn't love each other anymore.
There was no animosity. There was no anger. There was no bitterness. There was also no happiness, no passion, and no love. This was the most amicable divorce I had ever seen. They had just come to the realization that it was time to end things.
"Ohhh really?!?" I asked patience restored and curiosity peaked. "What about the waitress at the colony?"
"Blow job," he exhaled.
"Kara, from HR? She was all over you."
"I was too trashed." He said throwing his hands up. "I passed out on her couch. Plus it was a bad day and I spilled the details of the divorce."
"Amateur. Well at least you're trying." I said attempting to reassure him.
His phone buzzed again.
"You know I tried to call her yesterday and it went straight to voicemail. She shot me a text back before I was finished leaving a message."
"People don't talk anymore. They text. What time is she going to be at the bar?"
"I just shot her a message. We should know in a minute."
"I hope you have an unlimited texting plan."
That Beautiful Black Man
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