"I'm ok," I answered trying to figure which room of the house I was in. I had a vague memory of excusing myself to Amber and Tony. I gave the lame excuse of having to work early on Friday. Truth is I was thrown back into hibernation mode.
There is a moment when I'm out and about that a little switch clicks. No matter what I'm doing or where I am I have an undying urge to get home. I could be having the best time ever but when that switch clicks it's over. The world around me becomes mute and it feels like a beacon is blinking in the distance.
Initially I thought it was because I saw the ex but then I realized that I just wasn't ready to be out yet.
"Are you sure?" Karen asked snapping me back to attention. "Tony said you kind of bolted out of there."
The fact that they still talked amazed me. I know people who were married for five years that fight tooth and nail for every dime and picture in the house. These two were together for almost 30 years before they were divorced and still had breakfast on Saturdays.
"I just had to get out of there. I wanted to make sure the night didn't get away from me." I realized I was on the living room couch with my cat sitting on my chest. "It was in my best interest to have my feet hit the street when they did.
"It sounds like Tony got home all right. He did get home all right, didn't he?" I did a quick check to make sure I was wearing my own clothes. "I was convinced he was all right."
"He's ok. Amber is ok, too. He called me to let me know he got home all right." She paused for a moment. I was waiting for the worst. I was waiting for the how dare you. I was waiting for the 'What were you thinking?!?'
"Thank you," she said quietly. "Thank you for being a friend to both of us. Thank you for not taking sides. Thank you for making this transition as easy as possible."
My kitty meowed as I sat up and she lost her warm spot.
"You're welcome, my friend. Sounds like it wasn't me who had a rough night. You ok?"
"Yes. I know Tony and I did the right thing but every once in a while you remember the good times. You just ask yourself 'What if?' and you wonder for a moment. This is just a 'What if' moment." I remembered having a conversation with Stotler about this a few years ago.
"You are on a path," I started. "This is a moment in time. You don't know what the next moment will bring or if you'll even be around to see it. I suggest you enjoy each moment like it was your last. I talked to both of you. You were almost dead inside and it seemed like you had nothing to give.
"This is the most alive I've seen the two of you in the past five years. We all end up where we are supposed to. You just have to keep moving forward. Don't let your self get stuck in the past. You're doing ok. Most importantly you have this beautiful black man to guide you through."
"I know," she said laughing a genuine laugh for the first time. "Every once in a while it's just good to hear a friendly voice. You should get to work."
My cat jumped on to her perch to watch the morning sun pour across the yard.
"I will." I said finally putting my feet on the floor. "If you need anything let me know."
"Ok," she said with a heavy sigh.
"Everything works out for the best."
Before she hung up the phone Karen thanked me again for being a good friend. I stretched a deep stretch and took a moment to watch the sun pour across the yard.
It's always
nice when you can put your feet on the floor and know which room of the house
you're in.
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