Day 104 - Steering Wheel

     "Just grip the steering wheel and breathe."  I said to myself.  I sat quietly in the basement of the parking garage trying to figure out my next move.  The kid ran out of the stairwell and looked around like a lost puppy.  I debated waiving him over but I just wanted to be left alone.

     His eyes landed on the Saab and he slowly made his way over.

     "Son of a bitch," I whispered to myself.

     He stood at the driver's side door and leaned on the dusty car parked next to me.  I rolled down my window and looked through him.

     "Did they fire you?" He asked, eyes wide open and out of breath from running down the stairs.

     "Worse," I said feeling my brow furrow.  "They put a leash on me.  It was an HR ambush call.  They set up a meeting on the pretense of going over accounts and then they told me HR was on the phone."

     "What?!?" He said with complete disbelief.  "They wouldn't..."

     I just looked him in the eye and watched his demeanor change as the truth washed over him.

     "But they always laugh and joke with..." His voice trailed off.

     He was right.  They always laugh and joke when they want something.  Unfortunately for me I had called the wrong asshole an asshole.  I had also called one of their top bullshitters on his bullshit.  Even though I was doing well I wasn't doing well enough.  It was explained to me that I didn't know how to 'listen'.  I had called out one of their pets on trying to bang new hires and interns.  It didn't go well.  I was told to mind my own business.

     There was too much going on in my real life for me to be concerned with the fragile office egos or the petty office politics so I told them to go pound sand.

     I would be better if I was in an office with doors rather than the open office infrastructure.  I am old school when it comes down to how things should run.

The new hires need to earn their worth.  They don't earn my respect their first day on the floor.  You need to prove you belong there.  They also don't need to worry about some senior employee trying to bang them either.

     "At some point it went from laughing and joking to evidence gathering."  I leaned back in the seat and crossed my arms.

     "You aren't going to quit are you?"

     "I was..." I started.

     "You can't!" He said a little too quickly.  "If you quit they win."

     I knew he was right.  I laced my fingers behind my head and stared at the roof of my car.

     "Nah.  I just need to figure out how to make this work.  You should go back upstairs.  No reason for you to be guilty by association."

     "Guilty of what?"  His eyes grew wide.

     "Don't worry, kid," I said laughing out loud.  "I have too much going on in my real life.  This is an inconvenience.  You don't have to worry about me doing anything stupid.  I still have to pay bills and put food on the table.  Go on.  Go back upstairs.  Do the work.  Make the money.

     "I'm going to go home, put on a pair of jeans, and come back to work comfortable."  The suit I had grown to love felt constricting.  "Go," I said waiving him back to the stairwell.

     He put his hands in his pockets and slowly walked away.

     I tried to start the car and head home to change clothes but my chest felt heavy.  The only thing I could do was just grip the steering wheel and breathe.