"You should just quit," said my friend JP. "Get on a plane and come to California. There's a lot of solid opportunity out here for you, buddy. I understand you have a plan but your plan sacrifices some of your soul. It's not worth it."
"It just feels like a solid betrayal. It feels like I have to prove myself to these people all over again." I said letting the wine wash away the day.
Video chatting is strange to me. I never know if I should look at the camera on the phone/computer/tablet so it looks like I'm looking at the person directly or if I should just look at them on the screen. As much as I love some of this technology I'm still figuring it out.
"Why would you take the time to try to prove yourself to people who don't want to respect you?"
I took a deep breath and let his words sink in.
"This is more for me than it is for them. I need to show that I can do the job. I need to show that I can..." I stopped mid sentence.
He had crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.
"What?" I asked.
"They may have already won, buddy."
"I don't know what you mean," I said feeling my brow furrow again. This was becoming a constant state of face lately.
"All I'm hearing from you is doubt. You are questioning your every move. You even seem like you're questioning the things you know you're good at. You can't stay somewhere that doesn't constructively challenge you. There is a difference between pushing people to reach new levels for a greater purpose and crushing someone's soul. This sounds like someone wants to make sure you are 'where you be long' in the soul crushing kind of way.
"How much writing have you done lately? How much music have you made?"
I ran my hand over my growing beard and looked over the screen to the wall behind it.
"That's what I thought. They may have won because YOUR armor is cracked. Once they get you to question yourself they got you by the balls. You are either the star of your own dreams or a background player in someone else's."
"I just feel like I got stabbed in the back." I said quietly.
"You can't keep hanging on to the anger. You've got to let it go. No one other than you will taste the bitterness in your mouth no matter how long you keep swishing it around."
I looked right into the camera to make sure he knew I was listening.
"What did you tell me ten years ago?" He asked.
I told him to stop talking about his dreams and start doing something about them. He had already written a book series but he wanted to get into film. After our conversation he finished his first script. I actually bet him he wouldn't do it. I told him if he did end up producing something I would fly out to help him. Within seven months we were standing on a set built in someone's living room. We had a micro budget but we were determined to make magic happen.
Now, ten years later, his production company was about to embark on their first international venture. There were multiple directors, multiple locations, and hundreds of people involved. All of this stemmed from two friends talking about believing in something more.
"If you really want to do something don't just sit there..." I started.
"Do SOMETHING!" He finished with the same enthusiasm I had ten years ago.
"JP," said a voice in the background, "the production meeting starts in ten minutes."
"Thank you. Ok, buddy, you heard the lady. I've got to go. Let me know when you're on your way out here even if it's just for a visit. Keep your head on straight and spit that bitterness out. The world has much sweeter things in store for you."
"Thank you," I said feeling a bit more of the weight lift from my chest. "I will revamp the plan."
"You should just quit limiting yourself. There's a lot of solid opportunity out there just waiting for you. Revamp that plan so it doesn't sacrifice your soul. It's not worth it."
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