Monday, January 6, 2025

The CouchSpirAssy

     The sad truth is that the couch has power.  It’s like an ass magnet.  It pulls your ass down and gets you so comfortable that you just don’t want to leave.  There’s like a weird conspiracy.  I call it The CouchspirAssy.  Sometimes the urge to do nothing outweighs everything else.
     You don’t even know you’re doing nothing.  One of the great cons of The CouchspirAssy is that you can convince yourself you are accomplishing tasks.  ‘How is that possible’ you ask?  Excellent question.
     How many times over the last four years have you found yourself scribbling down an idea or doing research on something that eventually goes nowhere?  You’ve convinced yourself that you’ve done something but in all honesty nothing has been accomplished.  There is a strong possibility this has taken place on the couch.
     It’s gotten even worse.  With twit/face/insta/space you can lose HOURS of time.  Maybe you’ll find a recipe you can’t wait to try only to still call for take out.  Maybe you’ll find a do it yourself solution to fix that hole in the wall/squeaky floorboard/light fixture only to still be screwing around with that same hole in the wall/squeaky floorboard/light fixture six months later.  You probably watched twit/face/insta/space videos about this.  Where did you watch these videos?  You guessed it … on the couch.
     Who has started the 52 week money challenge?  Who has maxxed out their 401 (k)?  Who has done the Marie Kondo declutter?  Who is doing 100 squats a day (there will be a rant about this later)?  
     Who did those crazy 30 day challenges?  Cold showers?  Running 1 mile a day?  Quitting sugar?  Quitting caffeine?  Journaling?  10,000 steps?
     Where did you watch these videos? Either lying in bed or glued to the couch.
     Watching these videos and not doing the challenge is a time suck.  Your couch, your ass, and these apps know this.  The couch and the apps are conspiring to keep your ass glued to whatever they want to show you.
     The best way to keep your ass comfortable is to remove any friction so it doesn’t cause you any irritation.  It does this by removing anything that might be between your ass and the couch.
     ‘How does it do that’, you ask?  Excellent question.  These videos are powered by ads.  The ads are like a subconscious tap on the shoulder to click a link and spend.  You remove your wallet from your back pocket, making a deeper ass/couch connection.
     Though you may be inspired to do something by watching the main video you are lulled back into complacency by the ad.  This ad catches your attention and lulls you back into that comfy cozy spot on the couch.  With your wallet/purse/credit card already out you make that easy purchase, get that dopamine hit, and sink deeper into that comfy cozy couch.
     Stand up for a moment.  Inhale deep.  Let your shoulders drop.  Plant your feet on the floor, stretch, and shake it out.  Walk away from the screen.  The CouchSpirAssy doesn’t have to be as deep as it seems.  Sometimes the urge to do nothing can be outweighed, not watching other people do something, but by actually doing something.

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