13 - Self Help Mode

    Some have asked if I have ever been in love.  The answer is yes of
course.  I actually remember telling a dear woman all of the reasons I
could marry her.  I wish I could tell you all of them but that was just
too long ago.
    Matters of the heart have always been less than a mystery to me.
Talk.  that's all you really have to do.  Don't assume that your
relationship is so perfect that you will just magically know what the
other wants.  I have come to the realization that I am lazy.  I refuse
to play the simple minded game of emotional power.  I want to be very
cut and dry when involved with someone.  I will try to help with the
needs of my significant other but I cannot read minds (not all the
time).  I must be communicated with.  I am as simple as a six year old
sometimes so you might just have to say it more than once.
    Oh yeah, the sex can't suck.  Bad sex is worse than no sex.  If it's
bad let your partner know or it will just get worse.  (Oh God I think
I'm in Self Help Mode ... Somebody shoot me.)
    I have watched couples make the strangest yet most perfect
connections and I have also seen people attempt to polish shit.  At
times I am unsure of what category I fall into.   I do know that I will
not attempt to polish shit.  This could turn into a tirade but that is
something that would take up the next week of The Days and we all know how
long that can be.  My tirades are also much more entertaining in
person.  If you've seen one you know exactly what I mean and if you
haven't seen one you may have heard about it.
    I think about these things because I'm getting old.  I am the old
guy at the club.  I passed the phase where I can walk by a mother
(late 30's -40's)/daughter (20's) and look at either one.  I have the
thought "Yes, this 22 year old girl is beautiful.  She may have great
enthusiasm but what can she bring me to the table, experience wise, that
can rival the 30-35 year old woman who has stood the test of time?  When
the sweat dries what else does she have to offer?"
    What is the test of time?  If you are 22 and you look good that's
good.  You're 22 you had better look good.  Late 30's early 40's is more
of a kick in the balls.  Around this time the bills have piled up,
you've hopefully slowed the drinking or drug consumption (because God
knows getting up in the morning after coma drinking now is a harder than
it was then), and though the bills are up there, quite possibly
something is about to be paid off.
    The pressure has increased just a little.  If you still have time to
look good ... more power to you.  You're doing better than I.  Maybe if we
just talk that last mystery will be solved for me.  Who knows?

That Beautiful Black Man