The machines are, as I have come to understand, powered by negative emotions and negative self talk. They don’t thrive on the self talk or the emotions. They put you on a slippery slope and thrive on the inaction due to the lack of traction, the inability to get a grip on things.
That crushing, squeezing ball of anxiety in my chest that kept me curled up was still energy. It was energy that wasn’t being expended or used in any way, at least not by me.
The machines fed off that energy. It powered their deep need to control my soul. The less I did, the tighter the grip, the stronger the machines. Laying curled in the fetal position would not get rid of the pressure. Standing and stretching would.
While sitting in front of the tv or staring at a screen watching mindless videos would not dismiss the distress, walking would.
There was always a reminder to do 3 things:
- Get out of bed
- Take a shower
- Eat breakfast (this might just mean having a coffee)
It wasn’t any of these things in particular that pushed back on the machines. It was the act of doing. Every bit of energy used to do something else was a bit of energy not accessed by the machines. Even the energy used to push back was energy not given to the machines.
Some days I would just go for a walk. I didn’t equate the walk with clearing my head. The walk was using energy so it couldn’t power the negative self talk or the self doubt that powered the machines.
If nothing is done, the machines use the energy to generate crushing fear and anxiety to feed themselves. They then create more fear and anxiety to make themselves stronger, essentially paralyzing you. You are turned into an in house factory.
The simple act of going for a walk, stretching, doing yoga, taking a shower, or getting out of the house took the energy from the machines and gave it back to me.
The problem; walking to an office where I didn’t want to be fed the machines. The anxiety created every day by walking to a job I had grown to dislike left me as hollow as laying curled in the fetal position or staring at a screen watching mindless videos. Every day, that is, except that one.
That day I had a little extra energy in my step. Each move forward was a step further away from the darkness. I had scheduled a sit down face to face interview with another company.
It was set up as a casual interview at Brisket, Mac & Cheese. Even if I bumped into another associate I could just say that I was just having lunch with another friend in the business.
Best case scenario, I got a job that got me out of my current state of mind. Worst case scenario, I got some tasty brisket, Mac & cheese and the knowledge that I still had the ability to put plans into motion. That day the energy would be used to walk the walk and talk the talk. I was hoping to thrive on the traction of my action.
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