31 - Wedding Betting

     "You are a complete wack job.  Please tell me you're kidding," said
Stotler rubbing his eyes with his hands.
     "About the fact that I quit smoking again or that I bet on weddings?"  I
asked.  I still wanted a cigarette even though it had been 35 days.  I've had 12 drags of
various cigarettes since early April but I haven't bought a pack.
     "I can't believe you f*cking bet on weddings."  Stotler is the church guy.
He's been married for five years, I think.  I was beyond hammered at the wedding, tried
to bang one of the bridesmaids, slept on the floor of another bridesmaids suite, and
almost got kicked out of the room for drunken snoring.  He tends to have a certain view
on things.
     "Look man," I said taking a swig of Smirnoff ice, "the divorce rate
is through the roof in these great United States.  I figure if I have to be subjected to
a day or night of torture I may as well let the business man in me out.  There is nothing
more painful than having to sit in the fucking pews of some church and choke through a
long drawn out ceremony..."
     "You were in my goddamned wedding party."
     "Oh yeah...that's right...ha ha..."  Did I mention that I was drunk at his
wedding?
     "I'm guessing you don't want to hear how this works then do you?"  The
great thing about curiosity is that it gets people every time.
     "Why the hell not."  He said releasing a deep breath.  Curiosity, baby.
     "It's real easy.  I find the most gung ho marriage buff @ either the wedding or
the reception and I bet a tiered $100 that the marriage won't last five years."
     "Tiered?!?" his curiosity was poking through the disgust.
     "Yeah, tiered.  It's actually a ten year bet but after five years instead of
paying me $100 I get $20 less each year." He looked puzzled.
"Let's say you last 6 years I get $80, 7 years I get $60 etc."
     "OK, OK, OK.  I get it.  You realize that you're an asshole, right?"
     "Here's the best part, the couple makes it ten years I give who ever I bet with
$100 bucks.  Nice, huh?"
     "You do this every time?"
     "Not every time," I answered.
     "Good because I was beginning to think..."
     "Sometimes I go double or nothing for twenty years."
     "Jesus!  Seriously?!?"
     "If I'm at a wedding son, there's money on the line.  What the hell are you
worried about?  You're in my $80 category.  Oh yeah if there's a trial separation or a
move out I get an instant $50.  I haven't made any money on this one yet cause it's a new
clause."
     I heard the gears turning ever so slowly as the machine started up again.  It was a
subtle whirring.
     "Think about it. The next time someone tries too hard to end an argument or
make sure a couple stays together they might not really be worried about you.  They might
have some money on the line."
     "Did I mention that you are a complete wack job?"


That Beautiful Black Man