37 - Just a Thought

     "Just a thought," I said slowly drinking my pineapple juice.
     "Oh Christ," sighed Stotler.  Friday nights were becoming a bit slower for us.  We were now the older guys out at the bar and it seemed like the selection of younger women just wasn't what it was.  For the most part we saw these pudgy little twenty-one year olds in tank tops.  To me the term "tank" top had taken on new meaning.
     He's still married and I hunt like a married guy so there wasn't really anything interesting for us to do except talk.
     "I think I'm going to have a closed funeral."
     "You always bring up the weirdest sh*t at the weirdest times."
     "Do you see anything in here worth talking to, married guy?"
     He looked around and then looked back at his beer.
     "Why are you going to have a closed funeral?"  He said rolling his eyes.
     "Let me rephrase that.  It will be more of an invite only type of thing.  The last few funerals that I've gone to no one really knows anyone else and everyone crawls out of the woodwork just to say good-bye.  I've said it before, if you can't bring yourself to call, write, or shoot an e-mail while I'm alive why the fuck should you come to my funeral?"
     "What about the people who stop talking to you so they don't have to go."
     "I'm far too interesting not to talk to for too long," I said watching some geek attempting to buy "tank" top a drink.
     "Yeah but what about the people who actually get the invite?"
     "I was more into the thought that someone would show up at the door and be turned away because their name wasn't on the list.  Can you imagine getting denied at a funeral like it was a club in Manhattan?"
     "You're a whack job.  You would turn away those people who got invites?"
     "No, no, no.  The people with the invites would get in no problem.  I'm just thinking about the stragglers."
     "The stragglers?" he asked flagging the waitress.
     "You know the people who don't write or call but show up and cry like teething babies.  If you can't take time for me while I'm here then don't come visit me when I'm dead."
     He looked at the girl in the pink "tank" top and shook his head.
     "The treadmill is your friend.  Don't be afraid of it." I said just loud enough for him to hear.
     "Dude you kill me."
     "Anyway the only thing that pisses me off is that I won't be there to see the faces of the people who get turned away."
     "You already have this list don't you."
     "Treadmill," I coughed as the "tank" top walked by again.  "You won't know until I'm dead now will you."
     "I did mention you were a whack job, didn't I?"
     "Just a thought."  I said finishing off my pineapple juice.

That Beautiful Black Man