36 - A Calmer Peace

    She just laughed.  I liked her laugh.  It was loud and uncaring like her. 
If there was really a problem you would never know it.  It was that way because
that was just the way she was and because in her words "It was none of your
goddamn business anyway!"
     "I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh but are you serious?!?"  asked
Paris wiping away tears from her eyes.
     I just shook my head yes and let the smoke trail into the late summer
afternoon.  This one of the nice days we had had in a while so I decided to
visit Paris's couch.
     "Anger management classes?!?  Weren't you the one who said that he
wanted to keep the edge?  Didn't you say that it would take away from your
creative spark if you veered off of your 'path'?"
     "I was talking about Prozac and Zyban and all that medication shit.
This is different.  I was thinking about seeing a shrink but they are far more
expensive."
     She suddenly sat a little straighter.  Her face changed from unbridled
amusement to almost caring concern.
     "What's going on with you?  I thought the writing was helping."
     "It is but have you ever just been angry and not been able to figure
out why?"  She looked off in memory.  "I mean part of it is the job
but I'm working on that.  I think a lot of it is just me.  My thought was to
check out these classes and see where I get.  If that fails look into
rent-a-friend."
     "Rent-a-friend?"
     "Yeah.  To me going to see a shrink is like sitting with a buddy,
telling him your problems, and then loaning him ninety bucks you know you'll
never see again."
     She just shook her head and smiled.  "This is just far too depressing.
 Let's pack a bowl." She said walking into the kitchen.
     "I can't.  It'll put me right to sleep and we both know I can't get
caught here sleeping."
     "I don't know why I'm saying this but maybe you need some
direction."
     "Duh!!"
     "No, you asshole, with your little stories.  They're entertaining but
maybe if there was a long term goal, an on going series you'd have something to
look forward to."
     "This isn't going to turn into to another pitch to write a book is
it?"
     "No.  I'm just saying if you begin with a certain end in mind maybe
you'll reach a calmer peace.  Now I'm going to pack this.  Do you want
some?"
     "Naw," I said.  "I'm gonna go to class and then work on this
'calmer peace' thing."
     I crushed my cigarette in the ashtray and let the last bit of smoke roll
off into memory.
That Beautiful Black Man