42 - The Freak Out

     "I just can't believe it.  I thought I was pretty good at this!"  I stomped
around my work-in-progress house.  The total place is in disarray.  I have all of my
parents stuff in my kitchen.  What started out as putting new floors in their downstairs
living space and cascaded into gutting the house.  Funny how that happens.
     The clutter makes my mind slip gears.  I go left when I should go right and
everything falls apart.  Don't get me wrong, I don't live in the nicest place ever. 
According to my sister until I did a little cleaning up a year ago "Bears would have
trouble finding a place clean enough to shit!"
     "I think my focus must be off," I said to Stotler.  "Not one person
has taken me up on my offer of oral!  This is almost insulting."
     I flopped down in the middle of a little trail that lead to my kitchen.  I really
wanted a cigarette but I don't smoke in my own house.
     "I don't know what to tell you.  I never had a problem before I got
married."  He said, politely ignoring the pile of clothes that occupies every single
guy's couch.  "One thing would just lead to another and before I knew it there I
was."
     "Right now that just turns my goddamned stomach.  Maybe Paris was right.  Maybe
I do need to work out.  Dump fifteen, twenty pounds.  Who knows?"
     "How goes 'The Name Game'?"  He said smiling just a little.
     "This is quite possibly the worst idea I have ever had.  I take that back.  If
I had come up with that idea about ten years ago I would be the happiest man on the
planet right now.  I would just be bragging 'Ha ha only five names left to go!'  Now I'm
like 'Shit five impossible names, no choices, no oral, no hope!'  Maybe I should just
start stabbing people!"
     Stotler just sat back on the couch rubbing his eyes.  I should say he sat back as
far as the clothes, blanket, and pillows would allow.
     "Maybe my brother was right.  Maybe this is a sign that it's time for you to
settle down."
     "You know I think I agree.  I hear that after you've been married for a while
the sex seems to stop.  Maybe I am married.  I just skipped the wedding and the honeymoon
and went straight to the no-sex-I-don't-see-you-part."
     "What about that girl that was here last week?"
     "We're just friends.  Some days I think I should just slap a skirt on and go
shopping with her.  I'm fucking dying here.  I can't even hibernate this year!"
     "Ah yes.  The four months were no one hears from you or sees you.  I can't
believe you still do that."
     "Not this year.  I just haven't made enough cash this year to fix up the house,
maintain the car, and sit on my ass all winter."
     "So what are you gonna do?"  he said moving an empty box of Chinese food
to the "garbage".
     "I have no idea." I said pacing through the trail again.  "I have no
idea."