58 - A Picture's Worth

     "A picture's worth a thousand words but $300!  They want $300 just for me
to sit down for the photoshoot.  I can't tell you how much it will be per print.
I can't fucking believe it!"  I let the smoke blow into the crisp late October
wind.
     "You know you can smoke inside the house.  Kiki does it all the time."
Paris said smiling at me.  "And besides, you asshole, it's freezing."
     "You see I told you.  My price wasn't that bad."  She brushed her freshly
cut hair away from her face and sat on Kiki's couch.  We had both taken the trip
up to visit a mutual friend to cheer her up.  Unfortunately Kiki had set up a
date with her new boyfriend so Paris and I were left alone in the house.
     "Do you know if she has any food here?"  I asked walking toward the
kitchen.  We had just had a little dinner but I needed a quick snack to tide me
over.
     "How many recent divorced women do you know that keep food in their house?"
She said taking a sip of wine then stretching out across the couch.  She was
wearing khaki cargo pants, a long sleeve white shirt, and no underwear.  I swear
the girl is out to kill me.
     "Fuuuuuuuck!" I said flicking a long bit of ash into the ashtray on the
kitchen table.
     "Let me get this straight; we both drive up here to cheer her up and she
goes out mud bogging?"
     "Yep.  We're here to keep her happy."
     "Yeah I know.  It's about making sure Kiki is happy."  I sat down at the
other end of the couch.
     "So how much are you going to charge me to take my picture?"
     "I am not going to charge you any money.  I've got a better idea."  She put
her hands behind her head and crossed her legs across my lap.
     "I am going to take fifteen good pictures of you.  I get to dress you and
choose the background.  We will use my digital camera and I will not charge you
a dime."
     "What's the catch?" I said rubbing her shin.
     "Moohahahahahaha!"  She laughed her little evil laugh.  "We pick the best
one and put it up on Hotornot.com!"  She curled into a little ball of laughter.
     "You have got to be out of your fuckin' mind!" I said rolling my head on
the back of the couch.  "Can't I massage or oral my way out of this?!?"
     "Let me think about this...NO! No, no, no, no ... Oh wait hold on ...
NO!!!"  She exploded in laughter again.
     "Goddamn It!"  I said taking a deep drag.
     "What are you so worried about?!?"  She sprang up and supported her weight
with her arms behind her.  Her bare feet were under my thigh.  Her hair brushed
against her cheeks.  "You sign your e-mails 'That Beautiful Black Man' or 'One
Of God's Beautiful Black Men' or 'The Black Prince'.  This shit shouldn't be a
problem for you."  She wiggled her toes against my thigh. 
     "Yes I'm a narcissist but I'm a self-loathing narcissist.  I want people to
know more about what I do than who I am.  Do I look like just another piece of
meat to you?"
     She squinted her eyes and pouted her lips as though she were checking me
out.  "No, you are a beautiful piece of meat." 
     "Are you sure I can't oral my way out of this?"  I said rubbing her knees.
     "You said it yourself, a picture's worth a thousand words."  She said
curling back into evil laughter.  "Be ready by the end of November."

That Beautiful Black Man