55 - The Sacred Order Of Moo

     "I just need to know if you have a digital camera," I said to Paris.  "Mine
just died and I need to have a picture of myself."
     We were enjoying the last few good days of the year.  She had some time and
I had been sent home from work again for refusing to acknowledge authority.
Sitting in the park is one of the best ways to kill time on a lazy late summer
day.
     "Is there any reason you need this picture?" she said crossing her legs.
She leaned forward and looked over her sunglasses.  She looked good; white short
shorts, white sneakers, a yellow Bebe tube top and no tan lines.  Evil bitch.
     I shook out an American Spirit Yellow, lit it, and stared deep into the
clear blue sky.  The clouds were dancing on the horizon and the sun was just
thinking about going down. 
     The smoke rolled in the air.  I could tell it was reaching for the sky and
felt sad as the wind blew it apart.
     "I haven't had anyone take a good picture of me since 1997.  I just
want to document my life as I get older.  You know have a shot of me every few
years so I can go back when I'm older and see how good I look."
     "That's real deep, narcissist."  She said leaning back and resting her arms
on the top of the bench.
     "What did you expect me to do Hotornot.com?  Get judged on looks alone?"
     "No but that's a good idea.  I was kind of hoping," she continued, "that
you were going to do something exciting with it.  You haven't put the weight
back on, I thought you might do one of those on line dating things."
     "Fuck that.  That's even worse." I said watching the smoke dance near the
rocks.
     "I'll do it for twenty bucks."
     "What?!? Twenty fucking dollars?" I said choking on a drag.
     "What do you mean WHAT?  You said it yourself you want to document your
life as you get older.  This is history.  Think of it as a bargain."  A slick
smile cut across her face.
     "How about I introduce you to The Sacred Order Of Moo?"
     "The Sacred Order Of What the Fuck?!?"
     "The Sacred Order Of Moo.  Some people have secret handshakes, some have
little signs, I have The Sacred Order Of Moo.  This is for my really close
friends.  Whenever we meet we simply say,"  I leaned in a little closer, looked
around to make sure no one else was listening and blew the smoke off to the
side, "Moo."
     "You are an asshole.  Moooo!!!"
     "No!  No!  No! Moo.  As short as you can say it.  Moo.  It's like having a
AAA card.  If you meet someone who is part of the Order and you say Moo and they
say Moo back that means that they are a very good friend of mine and they will
treat you as well as they would treat me even if they don't know you.  This
let's them know that I know you and trust you with my life.  It's so completely
crazy."
     "This was definately not in 'How To Succed With Women'.  That's a page from
'How To Stay Single & Masturbate.'

That Beautiful Black Man