48 - Yoga Class Part 3

     Yoga seems to be a relaxation of the mind and body through deep breathing
and attempting to bend your body into positions I wasn't ready for.
     I had put the image of the sasquatch to my left out of my mind and decided
to concentrate on the instructor.  She was a round little woman with a little
voice that almost made me feel like I was in kindergarten again.
     The thought to run again kicked in with the lotus position.  In this
position you sit on the floor, cross your legs, and pull your heels up to your
nuts, (if you have them) and try to keep your knees as close to the floor as
possible.  While you hold this position you Ooommmm repeatedly.
     The ooommm was actually great.  It hid the ooouuch and the urge to laugh. 
The 100° temperature made more of a difference than I thought it would.  With
the instructors gentle direction on when to breathe, the peaceful music, and a
knowledge that this couldn't go on for that long, I was able to get through all
of the weird animal positions; downward facing dog, upward facing dog, crab
posture, warrior variations, half camel, camel (the name alone made me really
want a cigarette) and the painful, balance challenging, tree and eagle
positions.
     Now I know how women feel when they are having bad sex.  You get through it
with the knowledge of three things:
a)this was a stupid mistake
b)it will never happen again
c)this shit can't last forever
     "Are you ok?" Connie whispered during the last one minute break
smiling.
     "I'm fine." I lied. "Just as long as the yeti over here
doesn't pull out a twister mat everything will be fine." I whispered back.
     The last ten minutes were a test of will power.  Will all of the bending
and twisting there was an undying urge to fart my brains out.  One more second
of the bow position (where you grab your ankles and balance on your stomach) and
I would have been able to launch a missile out of my ass.
     The class ended back in the lotus position on an Ooommm.  Luckily no one
noticed the one cheek sneak under the collective ooommm and the pulsating drum
music.
     Happily the sweaty yeti next to me left without saying a word.
     The cold winter air felt good against our well warmed skin.  Consuela was
right.  Driving would have been a nightmare.  My muscles felt like jelly.
     I had a good night with Connie.  She tells all of her friends that she and
I attempted to bend our bodies into these weird positions that neither of us were
ready for.

That Beautiful Black Man